Common Mistakes of Counselors

1. The counselor visits instead of counseling.

• Need to focus on the needs of the individual instead of making small talk
• Don't talk about yourself unless it's relevant and brief

2. The counselor starts problem-solving too early.

• Don't be so busy or goal-oriented that you become impatient with progress
• Take time to listen, clarify the issues and reflect on what the individual says
• Allow the process to be more important to you than the results
• Have a deliberately relaxed pace so you don't make hasty judgments

3. The counselor becomes an interrogator.

• Don't ask too many questions too quickly
• Use questions that are open-ended and that encourage the individual to talk
• Allow time for silence - they may need to gather their thoughts

4. The counselor is disrespectful or judgmental.

• Refuse to place the individual into a "category" or stereotype
• Like Jesus, accept each person as an individual. Don't downplay their problems or overlook sin, but still show kindness and respect.

5. The counselor becomes overinvolved emotionally.

• This can cause you to lose objectivity, especially if it is an issue you are dealing with personally
• Maintain professional detachment while still showing compassion

6. The counselor appears distant and artificial.

• Be willing to admit your own weaknesses or lack of knowledge in an area
• Relax and be open and honest

7. The counselor is defensive.

• Our empathy is hindered if we believe we aren't helping, become bothered by guilt, are criticized unfairly, or become afraid of something in the counseling relationship
• Ask yourself why you feel defensive and talk to someone you trust

From Christian Counseling by Gary Collins