Confrontation in Counseling

Confrontation from a counseling viewpoint can only happen after trust has been established. Trust comes when empathy has been given by the counselor, without judgment. William Crane says,

     "A judging confrontation, unprepared form, may end any relationship which would make counseling possible. The person already feels guilty and ashamed, and to be judged and condemned rather than understood and accepted is nothing less than absolute rejection."

Our purpose in confronting people is to help them make better decisions for themselves, become more accepting of themselves and become more productive and less destructive in their lives.

Confrontation can be defined as a counselor pointing out a discrepancy between the counselee's perspective and their manner of viewing reality.

The best way to use confrontation is to use phrases such as, "I wonder if..."; or "could he be...?"; or "Is it possible?" or "How do you react to this perception?"

If you have built a trusting relationship with honesty and acceptance, the counselee is more likely to accept gentle confrontation from you.

-Adapted from The New Guide to Crisis and Trauma Counseling by Dr. H. Norman Wright

Common Mistakes of Counselors

1. The counselor visits instead of counseling.

• Need to focus on the needs of the individual instead of making small talk
• Don't talk about yourself unless it's relevant and brief

2. The counselor starts problem-solving too early.

• Don't be so busy or goal-oriented that you become impatient with progress
• Take time to listen, clarify the issues and reflect on what the individual says
• Allow the process to be more important to you than the results
• Have a deliberately relaxed pace so you don't make hasty judgments

3. The counselor becomes an interrogator.

• Don't ask too many questions too quickly
• Use questions that are open-ended and that encourage the individual to talk
• Allow time for silence - they may need to gather their thoughts

4. The counselor is disrespectful or judgmental.

• Refuse to place the individual into a "category" or stereotype
• Like Jesus, accept each person as an individual. Don't downplay their problems or overlook sin, but still show kindness and respect.

5. The counselor becomes overinvolved emotionally.

• This can cause you to lose objectivity, especially if it is an issue you are dealing with personally
• Maintain professional detachment while still showing compassion

6. The counselor appears distant and artificial.

• Be willing to admit your own weaknesses or lack of knowledge in an area
• Relax and be open and honest

7. The counselor is defensive.

• Our empathy is hindered if we believe we aren't helping, become bothered by guilt, are criticized unfairly, or become afraid of something in the counseling relationship
• Ask yourself why you feel defensive and talk to someone you trust

From Christian Counseling by Gary Collins